Holy Taco and Tailgate Fan for May 21

Pat Sajak: Game Show Host, Bored Twitter Troll

Pat Sajak went on Twitter and decided that anybody who believes in global warming is an unpatriotic racist. Regardless of whether he truly believes that or not, it’s crystal-clear that Sajak is bored shitless of his world-famous-yet-totally-humdrum life, and wants to lash out. I say he should do so, and in as wacky a way as possible. Like the ways I suggest!

Charlie Zelenoff: Rocky – Skill + Extra Brain Damage

Charlie Zelenoff is a troll who pretends he’s a champion boxer because it pisses people off. He pissed off an actual champion boxer and got the stuffing beaten out of him as a result. Still, the fact that he tried to fight at all is semi-admirable. If he ever wants to try again, I’m willing to coach him. Just so long as I don’t have to look at him while doing so.

Top 5 NBA Draft Lottery Alternatives

For no decent reason, the NBA holds a lottery a month before their draft to determine the top three teams. It’s the dumbest thing in sports aside from curling existing. But clearly the NBA has no interest in a traditional draft, so I offer up five wonderful alternatives.

And no, none of them are “first owner to hunt down and kill Donald Sterling gets the number 1 pick.” That would be damn satisfying, but sadly, you can only do it once.

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