Holy Taco for June 12 and 13

Gunter: Brainstorming Wacky Oreo Flavors is Harder Then You Think

It’s shockingly difficult to create crazy new Oreo flavors all the time. It’s a long creative process, and the Whipping Cane awaits those who pitch failure.

Glieben: Great Failures From The Past: Not Larry the Not Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy used to be an ultra-cheesy early ’90s standup comic named Dan Whitney. And if you thought Larry was annoying, he’s actually an improvement over Dan, who might have been the unfunniest person ever. Puppies abandoned under a bridge earn more giggles than this guy.

Glauten: Holy Taco Bad Book Club: The Mole With Poop on His Head

“The Story of the Little Mole Who Went in Search of Whodunit” is a story about shit. A mole gets pooped on and searches for the culprit, all while learning important lessons on how every animal that poops right in front of him does so differently.

Globen: Jemima Packington, the Asparagus Psychic

Jemima Packington is a British soothsayer who claims to be the world’s only “asparamancer”. Since she had to coin the term herself, we believe her. Nobody else would use stalks of asparagus to predict the damned future, but that’s exactly what she does.

Holy Taco and Tailgate Fan for May 30

LARRY: Holy Taco Bad Book Club: Pro Wrestling Poetry

There’s a book of pro wrestling poetry out there — freeform, avant garde poetry at that. But it reads much less like actual art, and more lists of obscure wrestling references and insider terms designed to make a very desperate author look as “in” with the wrestling business as possible.

CURLY: Coffee Dad: Twitter Joke, Depressing Existential Quandary

The Coffee Dad Twitter account is a weird joke with occasional references to a Dad mourning his lost son. The fact that he’s still mourning him, years later, turns this joke into a depressing treatise on how for many, grief and pain never ends and while they may still be breathing, they stopped living long ago.

I may or may not have been in a moody mood when writing this.

MOE: Top 5 Most Underrated Athletes

Tailgate Fan wanted a straight-up list of underrated sports peoples, and by gum I gave it to them. This here is the thing that I gave.

Holy Taco and Tailgate Fan for May 23

Holy Taco Bad Book Club: The Tushy Book

Occasionally, I run into weird, disturbing, or just plain useless literature, and feel the need to share it with you. And here’s a doozy — The Tushy Book is a children’s book about butts. Every page has a near-naked or totally-naked child on it, because prepubescent mooning is the only way to truly remember that asses are a thing, apparently. Shockingly, NAMBLA did NOT fund this thing.

On the bright side, at least they didn’t call it Baby Badonkadonk.

Let Us Buy The Lead Role In Star Wars For Just $10

JJ Abrams is allowing people to pay $10 t enter a drawing. Winner gets a walk-on role in Star Wars VII. Personally though, I think that’s not enough. Star Wars was built on nobodies, and I feel it should go back to its roots. S for $10, Abrams should give somebody their very own movie. At best, this could completely reignite the series. At worst, it still won’t be as bad as Jar-Jar.

Diary Of A Fantasy Baseball Loser – Part 5

I play in a fantasy baseball league and absolutely suck at it. Every could weeks, I recap my lack of progress in running diary form. Here’s part of five of, like, twelve or something. Baseball takes forever to finish.